- Take a deep breath. Say "this is me feeling anxious".
- We're trying to perform. We're trying to do it the right way. There is no right way. There are better ways.
- We need to have a conversation, not a performance.
- Use questions.
- Use conversational language. "This is important to you, because..." instead of "One must consider....A, B, C, etc..."
- Our brain stockpiles, it tries to figure out how to win the "game".
- Our brains will also find patterns and use them.
- You need to train your brain to get out of its own way.
- In a social situation, we put too much pressure on ourselves to "get it right".
- We want to respond in a way that genuine and authentic.
- Dare to be dull.
- We can think of things as me vs. them. Not as an opportunity. We need to see things as an opportunity.
Game to play:
- A gives B a gift. Then B opens it and says "Thank you for the ______".
- They come up with the gift they received.
- Come up with the first thing on your mind. Make sure not to use your stockpiled items that you've come up with.
- Only see what the gift is once you've opened it up. View this as a spontaneous opportunity.
"YES AND" instead to "NO, BUT" re-frame as an opportunity vs. being defensive.
- Tell your partner what fun thing you're going to do today by spelling it.
- This teaches you to focus and listen.
- "Don't just do something. Listen."
- We have to respond in a structured way.
- This helps with processing fluency. Structure helps us remember.
Useful Structure #1
Problem or opportunity > Solution > Benefit
Useful Structure #2
What? > So What? > Now What?
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